Moving towards mediation, need to stop limbo

[blndsid]

Sho, I found you from a couple posts you made to me. I've read almost all of your threads from the beginning over several days and feel like I'm looking into the not too distant future for myself.

In my sitch, I'd have a hard time if she didn't offer transparency, especially having an OM1 being a coworker, and a probable OM2 (next door neighbor to S5's friend, ugh). I know I don't want to live my life looking through my W phone/e-mail, but I'm afraid I couldn't trust without at least some of that up front. I feel the same as you, I'm tired of the lies, lies, and lies.

I too have a W that doesn't admit to the A, but when I confront with info she denies it, then later tells me it's over (3 times so far), followed shortly by being angry, spiteful, and down right mean. Last time, a week ago, I gave her the "I won't live in an open marriage" speech inspired by starsky. I did it because I felt it I had to be CLEAR and it had to be the last time to confront the A before I went back to hardcore LRT.

Based on the spiteful response from the W the next day, our R conversation two days later, and the fact that she is scheduled with an ATTY this Wednesday, I have been considering filing for D or at least look to start mediation (DM inspired by you). However, I've decided to take a wait and see approach for a little while longer. I'm not ready to push the D button myself, but limbo is unacceptable as well.

How do you think your talk of D affected your sitch? I know the 'control' thing was always in your face, but I understand sometimes you gotta take a stand. However, she is still believed to be in an A, even after all that. What would you do different if anything with the D talk?

My wife has been at a work conference for 6 days, with co-worker/OM1. I have used this week to reflect, detach, and prepare for serious LRT. My rules of thumb were going to be: initiate no hugs, no touching/rubbing, no ILY's, no mention of A, OM1, OM2, R, M, and I've stopped snooping for my sake. Especially with a possible OM2, no ML until she gets a work-over from her doc. I have been working to be more patient with the boys and show more confidence at home.

My question stems from your experience and the advice offered regarding physical contact and cake eating. You have apparently been kissing and having some contact. My thought was during LRT it's OK to accept hugs/kisses from the W if she initiates. If she were to initiate something more, like making out or ML, my plan was to say I'd like to ML with W, but unfortunately I don't have condoms in the house.

Thoughts on any of that? I don't want to be completely cold, but I want her to know she's losing me, and in short order. Don't mean to hijack, I just know you've been there for a while now, and maybe giving advice will help you reflect on your sitch too.