Need help. Scared, confused pt 3

[Jefe]

Hope,

You have poured out a wealth of information. So much so, that I have to re-read and re-visit the posts often to make sure I have captured and understood all you are trying to tell me. I realize that "I" am the problem in us. I am committed to changing whatever I have to.

I'm still digesting this:
"Here is my hypothesis (please correct me if I am wrong):

The longer you were involved the angrier she became that you were not divorced. You tried to explain the roadblocks but she felt you were being deceptive. Her response was to lash. When she lashed you withdrew. When you withdrew, she lashed more, which made you withdraw even more.

She finally gave up and left the relationship. When she left the relationship it also meant she stopped lashing. This made you stop withdrawing. When you aren't withdrawing you are able to give her attention. She allowed you to give her attention. When she allowed you to give her attention you were able to connect. When you were allowed to have a connection with her you took the opportunity to re-bond. Once you bonded…then you reunited.

If I am right…This is your dynamic again..."

This is EXACTLY what happened and what is still going on.


"She needs to know you recognize many of the problems in the marriage are your fault and she was a contributor to the good things in your marriage. She needs to know she has value--not because other men find her is attractive--but because she is your lifetime partner."

Yes.

So as I go about making these amends I am overwhelmed by the amount of steps and things. I fell like we need to talk about the business and me securing a full time job first then approach her with the amends for the beginning of the relationship. Or maybe not.

I plan on having employment similar to what I had before no later than the first of the year. And trust me when I say I am so ready for this to happen. She's not crushing any dream at all. I want my happy family back. The financial instability is killing her but the insanely long and unpredictable hours are not helping either. So much so, her current job choices, consciously or unconsciously have put huge limitations on the amount I can work past certain boundaries. I hear her. I want it too. We are big Dave Ramsey followers and since we started this business we have gotten about as far away from those principals as ever. Time to stop this and focus on her needs.

I feel like I need to act soon either way. I know this needs to be done in person and by phone if absolutely necessary. I will be working with my sponsor on this as well.