I don't know where that whole friends discussion came from. I didn't see anything I posted on my thread that prompted it, or if I did it wasn't quite what I had in mind. I'm not really in a place where friendship is something I'm considering. The space has been helpful and I still have a lot of practice to do on my changes before I can trust to keep them going in his presence. I hope that can be possible for the future.
We did manage to smile at one another as he was leaving with the kids yesterday, so that's something. It's enough for now.
We had been parenting together more cooperatively and that was good. Then H made a decision without telling me that went against everything I thought we'd agreed to, but he did it in the interest of trying to preserve peace among the children. Thank you for reminding me about the steep learning curve. I'll remember to keep that in the back of mind when things happen from here.
Yes, I am feeling like a whole person. I've done things that challenge me and that I'm excited about and I feel like life has more possibilities.
WRT to the counselor... I went to the community college to investigate ways I can increase some of my job skills to facilitate my search. They have a program there for displaced homemakers so I met with the woman coordinating that as well. She gave me a list of resources, including counselors, that are recommended by the person kept on staff to help people working through situations like mine. So I'll start figuring that out this week. I'm also going to get in touch with our outstanding school guidance counselor to hear some of her suggestions for getting D11 and S8 both some support. She knows them well and probably has out-of-the-box ideas for helping them open up.
D11 acted up the other day pretty badly, so I took her iPad away and told her that if she wanted it back she was going to have to watch a Brene Brown video. I thought of you when I came up with that.
When I said I feel shaky when I'm away from him, what I meant was that I feel shaky about my desire to reconcile the marriage. When I see him I want it fiercely. I would like the opportunity to get a "do over" -- and have the relationship with him that we should have had all along. It's certainly not going to be possible as things are (especially if he's dating someone else, or exploring that possibility).
But I've been enjoying my life in the last few weeks especially.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
