Maybell XVII

[labug]

About being friends, you're attempting to cross a river you haven't yet reached, predicting the future. We can all be friendly without being friends, we do it every day. Is it easy? No Is it important for US(LBS) to do? Yes

I said the same things regarding being friends early on and even to H when he said he hooped we could be friends. My exact quote, "I have enough friends." (every time I repeat this it sounds so haughty and dramatic, picture Greta Garbo)

But then I realized that I needed to be friends with him, we had some tough things to tackle as parents and our working together would make things much easier. So I held out an olive branch and said, "I need your help. Our son needs us together in mind right now.

So be friendly and forget the "being friends" part. Let go.

Because (and I realize there may be a 2x4 coming, I'll hear it if there is) the only reason to pass that request on is for me to grant it.

Not a 2X but maybe a different perspective. From what you've written, your H has never been a real hands on parent, I don't mean he's not a good father but rather he's never had the full caretaker responsibility. The 2 of you made an agreement, either explicitly or implicitly, in regards to who the primary caretaker of the children would be. And now he's been cast into that role, albeit on a very part-time basis but maybe he's struggling to keep his head above water. Maybe the text was a call for validation of decisions he's making that he hasn't had to make before. Remember the steep learning curve of early motherhood?

We all make choices and those choices have both intended and unintended consequences. It's analogous to the LBHs who have a walkawaySAHW/M. Many times their answer to that problem is cut off the money and force her to get a job. What kind of job is a SAHM gonna get that will replace what the financial agreement of the marriage was? So we can't expect a SAHParent to walk into a fabulous job, nor can we expect the >FT, OOT a lot, busy executive to overnight become as skilled at parenting as someone with years of experience.

I did many things wrong in our marriage. Many. But many of them were responsive to how lonely and abandoned I felt so much of the time...I feel super shaky when I don't see him or hear from him, and more anxious to reunite when I spend more time with him.

I hope what you said later about feeling like a whole person is true. This quote above is all you, no matter who else is in your life, you're the only one who can fix that.

How's finding a new C for you and D going?

You are trending up and that's all good.