Is it too late?

[123Gwen]

In all my thrashings and reasoning and questioning I realize you all wanted to know why I want to save my marriage.

I met H and it was like magic. I still remember exactly how he looked at that exact moment. He was the missing piece of my heart. It was instant chemistry and I never looked back.

For all the magic of that first night we really tried to be mature and not get carried away by romance. He was in the military and I was in college. We both stayed independent and dated for a year and a half before we married. Yes it was quick but we waited another six years before having our daughter.

We were a team. We had a lot of laughs and lots and lots of love. It was the real deal. It still is from my side of things. I think it still was from him until very recently.

H is turning 50. He saw people 2 people die and he doesn't handle death well at all. He almost died in a car crash and he was laid off then without a job for almost a year. Our oldest went to college. His new commute was an hour north and I was driving south.

The love was still there. It just got tossed in with all the other messiness of life. I adore my H but I am not sure if the man I married exists anymore. I haven't really had the chance to find out. That hurts most of all.

Through all of this I have realized that my love for my H is resolute. I pray for him every night. I don't pray for him to come home because I love him enough to let him go. I pray for him to listen and walk with God. To face his fears and to recognize all the blessings he has.

I love my H as only a woman can who has over 25 years knowing and accepting and loving another flawed human being. I want to save my marriage because each and every day I choose him.