I had a great day today. And on the way to my outing this morning, I realuzed: I feel like a whole person for the first time. Maybe ever. I can not afford to ever compromise that. I like feeling like a whole person. There is a lot to me.
Out tonight with new girlfriends. I heard that my H was seen in town at lunch with a much younger woman over the summer. The message was conveyed that whoever saw him was highly offended at him for being out with another woman when he's married with kids (we don't live in a very large town). I waited for the gut punch... Which didn't come. Because I'm a whole person; it's horrible for my kids but I'm STILL STANDING. I find that really cool. I didn't think I'd be ok, but I really, truly am. I do still get hurt and disappointed, but I also am ok. It's a miracle.
D11 asked H if she could come back to my house tomorrow morning (kids are with him this weekend). I was out but he texted to say shed asked and that he'd told her he thought I'd say no. I just answered "no, sorry." Because I was out! He got a little annoyed and said "I already told her that." And you know, instead of feeling panicked that he's annoyed, I felt like, "It's about time you stopped taking me for granted." Because (and I realize there may be a 2x4 coming, I'll hear it if there is) the only reason to pass that request on is for me to grant it.
Anyway, all that to say, I feel stronger and happier and more complete than I've felt in years. All is well for today. Long may it last.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
