I'm going to say sorry upfront for the spelling. I'm typing this on the phone and I'm terrible at it.
I think you need to treat yourself better by doing a lot more GAL.
You seem like you are mentally exhausting yourself thinking of the situation constantly. And of course that's going to affect your mood.
Exhaust yourself mentally doing something else. Was there a subject in school you wanted to learn more about? Take some classes. Write a book for a civilians about how to take better pictures and publish it on Kindle.
I'm suggesting something that will make you stretch, and will take up more space in your head. From reading your posts, I just feel like you need a break from thinking about this 24/7- you just sound worn out.
And frankly, I would consider no more R talks with H for a while, even if he wants to initiate them.
