I'm really hitting bottom and I don't know how to get up. I just don't. I can talk buzz words like hope and making myself a better person and he'd be a fool to leave and all that but NONE of that gets me off the floor sobbing.
How? How do I turn this around? How?
Ok Ss,
You don't know me - but I want you to envision me telling you this in person - I'm 5'10 with a steely gaze and my friends always tell me how they were initmadated by me when they first knew me.
Ok....stop worrying about turning "this" around. Just worry about turning yourself around....right now.
Who is this Ss writing this tonight? She's not the Ss I have come to know through her posts.
The Ss I know overcame a tragic childhood. The Ss I know survived PPD. She has raised an awesome daughter. She marched out and got a job (yeah I know its not what you were hoping for, but its a job). You're the one who has been on this forum dishing out support to others routinely and with great humor and insight.
I've known people who have had the bomb dropped on them - and a lot of them curl up in fetal position and cry into their latte/alcohol for months or years. Did you do that? No. You got up, dusted yourself off and reached out for a constructive way to aproach the problem. Do you know how rare that is?
Look - your H is going through something - he is spewing all kinds of c***. He's not going to come out of it soon. You need to stop letting him hurt you. You're doing the work - he's not (no matter how many trips he takes to see the leaves turn). I know you made mistakes, but he needs to grow up. Embrace the possiblity of life post-H. You will still be awesome. You will protect your daughter. Your daughter will be awesome. You will find much in life that is sweet and joyful. And if your H grows up, your partnership will be all the stronger.
Ss - stand up right now, beat your chest ala Tarzan and shout "I am Ss, hear me f****** roar"! (I'm not profane in real life - but sometimes the words just fit)
You deserve better than this Ss, and right now - you're the one who needs to treat yourself better.
