I cannot accept that this is it.

[gogofo]

Write the letter and get deep down into your feelings. Then DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT send it or share it with your wife, the only thing that would do is try to manipulate her. Right now your words do not mean sh!t and will not mean sh!t for a long long time. This is an endurance race, not a sprint.

The best way you can show her you want her to be happy is to leave her alone. She is a WAW because not being around you feels better than being with you.

I understand wanting to write a letter, I felt the same way last week when I was asked to leave again. I wrote the letter and sat on it and with good advice I did not send it. I felt better and I often write letters as a form of therapy to get the venom out of me.

Read the letter to the LBS posted above. If you want to know what your wife is feeling this is as close as you will ever get. Does she say anywhere in there that she just wanted to hear "I'm sorry"? The letter and the words are for you. They should help you get those feelings off your chest and allow you to move forward with actions. Pretend your wife is deaf, how would you show her that you are the kind of person only a fool would leave. Show yourself that you are worthy of being loved and believe in yourself and change for yourself. Anything else will be sniffed out as phony and only be temporary. Our spouses are not dumb, their BS meters are highly acute.