Vacuuming helped and my carpets feel better, too. I
t may seem remedial but I need to come up with a checklist of things I can do without thinking to help me out of a big slump.
1. Get up! 2. Do something physical (jumping jacks, clean, vacuum, dishes). This can and probably should be done while sobbing. 3. Keep doing it until a teeny tiny answer comes. Reminders like: "so what if he said that, it doesn't mean it's true.", "believe none of what he says and half of what he does", "time and patience change many things", "convincing him is just going to make him turn away". 4. Take a HOT shower and cry more. 5. Moisturize heavily and hope for depuffage.
Separately, Georgiabelle your story of how H had a new litany every day of his issues, that's my H. Every time we talk there's either completely new stuff or a new intensity for the old stuff. A repeated phrase is, "you don't understand" and there's a whole lot of assuming and projecting how I feel or think or what I will or won't do, how I will or won't handle certain situations, how no amount of change could help him get over the atrocities I've committed against him, how there's no way to get through the masses of resentment he feels, that there's no such thing as starting over or wiping the sleet clean (even though I've never proposed such a thing).
So does all of that mean he just needs A LOT more time? That he's so stuck behind dark glasses that he can't see a single tree let alone the forest through the trees?
Ugh, typing all that out means I need to vacuum again.
