Two weeks ago, vossy, I was hormonal. It's not minimizing my feelings, it's a reasonable question to ask. At the moment I'm not particularly hormonal but my feelings are the same.
I'm just completely hopeless. I can't do anything but cry.
I'm going to out some cozy socks on and vacuum for a while. Crying while vacuuming is efficient and allows me to ugly cry noisily and none of the neighbors can hear. This is a big step because vacuuming requires getting off the floor.
It's not quite putting my BGP on, Claire, but right now I can only aspire to that.
I can't take a walk because I will just cry while walking down the street, while loudly muttering curse words and "whhhyyyy?" And we already have one crazy guy on our street, I don't need to be added to that.
In good news: D got her black stripe at karate. She's amazing and learning so much so fast.
Bad news: because of our schmucking separation I didn't get to see her earn it, H did.
I feel a lot like I did after I had D and had PPD. Like H and D would just be better off without me. I'm not suicidal, just wanting to physically disappear from all this and never come back, like move to South Africa or something. Obviously I won't do that because of D but it's the same thought as when I had PPD. Perhaps my antidepressants need major adjusting.
I'm off to fire up the Dyson. I really could use advice, specific actions, on getting up from a super low point, perhaps the lowest (god, let's hope it doesn't get lower than this). What do you do? How do you cope? I don't have good coping mechanisms and I'm not good at self soothing. Things most people learn in toddlerhood, I haven't figured out yet. I really need help.
