I cannot accept that this is it.

[Zues126]

What would you do differently if you gave up?

Would you not try to grow as a person? Would you self medicate by jumping into a rebound relationship? Would you treat you STBX like crap to show her that you don't need her or care about her anymore?

I wouldn't. So what helps me is realizing that since I'm going to do what I feel is both right and best for me regardless of what STBX does, it makes NO DIFFERENCE if I have hope. In fact, the amount that hope is making a difference shows how insincere someone's changes or actions are. Do what's right, take care of yourself. Maybe she'll feel differently and maybe she won't. Stay focused on you.

As for contact, I'd strongly, strongly, strongly ask you consult a DB coach. This is a very vulnerable place for you to be. You are in a low trust situation about to be negotiating your future lives and family structure. To me it seems like a very strategic contact would be beneficial to resuce tension/anxiety prior to those negotiations, but how exactly to do that requires PROFESSIONAL assistance. Too much is at stake.

I'd think a hand written letter stating

-you realize you messed up (not lookin for forgiveness or another chance, just acknowledging you have had a chance to see this, not looking for anything in return such as goodwill back)
-that you wish her the best and she deserves to be happy
-that since you will be coparenting through the children's lives together you are committed to doing better in a coparenting role and want to prevent further drama.
-that while you know that wont change how she feels, it is what she and the children deserve.

Again, don't listen to me. I only am trying to show you how touchy and critical this is to handle perfectly. Call DB today.