I have shaken off my pity party a bit. Last night was emotional because D3 wouldn't go to sleep without me (which is common) and then cried out for me an hour later (which is also common) and thinking that there will be nights that I won't be there to soothe her tears just really grabbed my heart and wouldn't let go.
Also still feeling.....relieved....I guess. Relieved that we have direction even though its not the one I had hoped for. Oddly, there's also some relief in realizing that STBX is completely untruthful right now and just a completely different person than the one I married (seriously - the realization of all the lies he has told with such polish and skill is just mind boggling - when we first met and he told me a little white lie he would blush to his eyebrows). I'm ok with letting this person go. Who knows where his path will lead? For my daughters sake I hope it leads him back to at least to a little more integrity and true self-esteem.
I'm resolved to be there for my daughters, to ensure that they know I will be a rock for them and to show them that you don't have to be a victim when life punches you. So along those lines, despite waffling back and forth, I am tackling the d*** treehouse as a GAL activity (STBX left it unfinished at BD). My dad should be able to give me good advice and make sure I don't cut my hand off.
I'm going to read back through other's threads for book recommendations to help me realize why I avoided conflict so much in the marriage. Also going to try to find a different IC and go back to counseling.
Divorce Busting in full progress even if right now, its right to be divorced.
