Gogofo - no longer piecing 2nd BD

[gogofo]

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Wife came over and we had a business like exchange. Offered to get her something, she said no thanks.

Our youngest son sometimes still has issues with pooping in the toilet. When he was eating dinner I smelled farts and asked him, but her said nope. Well when W shows up he says that his undies were dirty. I took him to the bathroom and took care of it.

During this time I was getting my dinner ready, eating late and being dumb hoping that I could entice W to stay for some food. I resisted the temptation to invite her but noticed she was looking at me differently when I was in the kitchen and dealing with our youngest. Don't know why, but she was looking my way intently and I pretended that I did not notice.

I also caught myself kind of gravitating or milling around in her area and made it a point not to be in her immediate vicinity. I also caught myself standing and crossing my arms looking closed off so I made sure I stopped that too.

Changing my attitude and non-verbal communication towards her again is hard. I am not the only one but it is difficult to switch from only wanting them to acting like it is their loss.

When dealing with our youngest he said he wanted me to go with them to the other house. Damn that stings hard. I think they notice it this time because they are older and last January I had not been home much because of work.

These kids can really show me my guilt and get me in my raw nerve endings about this new separation.

I think I have to write a letter to my W cussing her out and getting all of my anger out so I can help myself move past the emotion I felt last night. These letters are just for me, I do not send or share them with her, but when I have done them in the past they really help me understand my feelings and let me get through some of these emotions.

When she leaves the house she turns her back and goes quickly. I know why she does this and how she feels. All of this is hard on everyone.