I've had a similar conversation. The way I look at it is that yes there were long standing issues but the OM is her running away from them. If there wasn't OM I think my W would be more willing to work at it.

The attention OM has given her has woken something up inside that I wasn't triggering. So catalyst rather than cause

Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress