Hi Zimmy, I'd bet my bottom dollar she isn't his soulmate! Although, he may well be thinking that she is at this point in time. Also, bear in mind that in his R with her, he may be getting a need filled that wasn't filled in your R. And, hard as it is, that is an important thing to think about. Not just if you want you and he to potentially have a future - but for your own understanding of - why did this happen to us?! And as learning for future loving R's.

My H and I did have a number of talks about what happened and why. And I was glad of his honesty (many S's aren't honest at that point) and glad to understand more.

You are talking as though this is the end of your R - and I can understand that as it can all seem pretty bleak at this point for us all. But if you don't want it to be, this needn't be 'the end' - Presume if you haven't read DB & DR, you will do. I found DR better...

Main thing for now is 'coping' and having a sustainable plan for the next few months whilst you see how things unfold. One big piece of advice I followed is not to make any huge decisions about our R in the first 3 months of 'trauma' - make those sorts of decisions calmly and with plenty of thought. You don't want to look back and think - could I have done more to save our R. You want to be happy with your own part in this.

Toots x

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus