Your thoughts and feelings are absolutely normal. I relate to what you are saying. Accept that you will not always feel that way. And fwiw i also relate absolutely to what you posted on tad's thread.
I think of it in the sense of 'disproportionate response' . OK our marriages were not perfect, OK they were not happy (although voicing this might have been helpful), but was our xh's response to that situation reasonable?
A good friend of mine (who was married to a man whose first affair partner was a bipolar, bisexual drug addict who used to beat him up - she said her life turned into the Jerry Springer show almost overnight)) now gets messages from him, eight years on, and re-married, about how unhappy he is. She is having a hard time taking it all seriously at this stage.
Anyway she went to a divorce care class in the early days, and said the class had a real dividing line between (the majority) those whose marriages had come to end, and those (a minority) whose partners appeared to be having a MLC. Those whose marriages were ending, both partners had varying degrees of sadness, concern for the other, and a sense of responsibility for their part in it. Those divorcing/being divorced by apparent MLCers saw their spouses trying to get as much as they could with no concern whatsoever for the on-going welfare of their wife and family. The WAS were expected to carry the whole responsibility for the demise of the marriage.
I do believe that there is such a thing as MLC. Some people may hide behind this in varying degrees to avoid their own responsibility, but what I largely see here is a wish to grow, learn and try and build some sort of co-parenting relationship with the MLCer.
The one thing I would like after all of this time would be for my xh to take some responsibility for his part, and sit down and discuss it rationally, with an impartial third party of his choosing if he preferred it. I have tried to take responsibility for my contribution to the demise of my marriage, and keep dialogue open. I have failed totally in this. I do not want reconciliation but I would like us to be able to talk about shared concerns, about our adult children, and health issues etc, as we get older. It would be nice. Honestly I am tired of the blame.
