Maybell XVII

[Zimmy]

Zues: this was such a poignant post for me. I am struggling with the same debate. I loved my ex with all my heart, but he betrayed and abandoned me for another woman. There were so many lies and now he is like a stranger - seems not to care about my feelings or how much he is hurting me and destroying my life at all.

In the end, I fought hard from June through October to try to make him see the light and rekindle our relationship, but the pull of the affair was overpowering and just last week he told me that he had decided to choose the OW. It's brutal.

I wish I could be mature and selfless enough to be his friend and hang in there in hopes that he comes to his senses in the future. But it is so painful to go from being his everything to merely an acquaintance. Also, why does he deserve to keep my friendship - he lied, he cheated, he was disloyal - that is not good friendship material.

I would have given anything to have him come home or for him to realize one day that he made the biggest mistake of his life. But I don't think I am strong or secure enough to live in limbo and wait for him to figure that out (if ever), only to be hurt again and again. How can I heal if I am faced with that torture every day?

My DB coach Leni said the exact same thing, and I believe that she is right - that friendship is the basis for a strong relationship. But we had a good friendship before his affair, and it wasn't enough to prevent his weak behavior. Also, if the affair falls apart and he realizes the grass isn't greener in the future, won't he think back to our good relationship and amazing memories nonetheless?

Another thing I wonder, is how can they miss you if you are always there fulfillling some of their needs? Maybe you need to take a step back and really distance to see if they notice? If it's meant to be and all that...

Apologies - this was very much a stream of random consciousness.