YAT....I don't get why you keep referring this woman as W's "lesbian lover" as if that's the acceptable thing??! This is the AP. No ambiguity about this!!
Why do you say that W is "coming out"??! I've stated here many, many times that I've seen women go out with other women which DOES NOT necessarily mean they're lesbians. In fact, many of them do get married to men or return to their husbands. A one-time dalliance with a woman does not mean that a woman is a lesbian....
Originally Posted By: Wonka
....For the record, Young at Heart, I am a gay woman here. Just so you know that I know what I am talking about here and am fully aware of PFLAG...
In case anyone ever reads this in 5 years, let me clarify a few points.
(1) The OP, essjay, refers to his W as "lesbian." I was using the term that he was using and that by his posts she (his W) used. My hope for essjay is that she is not a lesbian, as if she is, there is little hope (in my opinion) to save the marriage. In the mean time, I agree with Wonka that essjay should treat it as a PA and use all the DB skills he has, but he should also educate himself so he can better understand her and what she and her family (which includes essjay, his two daughters, and his MIL) may be going through. I am sure essjay's MIL must have some issues no matter what kind of PA is going on and what it might do to her relationship with her two grandchildren. If I were essjay, I would want my two daughters to have a woman they feel they could talk to. For me it would not be a wife in a PA, it would be my two daughters grandmother, assuming she had her head on straight. If I were essjay, I would want to do things to make sure my daughters had a good female role model in their life, their grandmother.
(2) As to PFLAG. I have a gay son. He "came out" about 2 years after a break up with a very nice young lady he had "dated" for about 9 months. My W & I thought she was going to be our DIL. My S has purchased a house with a very nice young man he has been seeing for a long time and they are a couple for all purposes. We invite them both to all of our family gathering and treat them as a couple, which they are. We have a gay marriage law in our state, but they have chosen not to do that, even though for legal reasons they probably should. It came as a complete surprise to our entire family, and our family had a lot of questions and learning to do.
I am sure you know everything there is to know.
I was just trying to provide essjay with a source of information that HE might want to have handy in case questions came up, as he has two daughters age 24 and 21. I would wager they might have a few questions. After all PFLAG is for "Parents, Friends & Family" and local chapters have support group meetings for parents, friends and family. Again, if you go back and look, you should see that my comment was not directed at you. It was a resource offered to essjay. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, this thread is about essjay and his struggles.
Rather than getting in a flame war with you, I will just sign off and let you have the last word. You might want to carefully choose your "last word."
Good luck essjay! I hope that things work out well for you and your two daughters. The MWD DB approach can do wonders, but you have to be strong and stay the course. I won't be checking this thread again.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
