What is going on in their heads?

[Zimmy]

Hey guys. Rough night. Got another email from him today asking to talk so that we can sort out the separation so "we can move forward". I can't believe he is really pulling this trigger on our 7-year relationship. I am utterly devastated. How can he choose this awful OW over me - his loving, loyal and supportive partner? This is my worst nightmare.

You know, every morning I wake up and for just a moment I have this blissful few seconds of forgetting what my life is like now. And then it all comes back to me, and I think to myself, "did I dream it". And then the hurt comes back in full force.

The person he is today is like a stranger and so incredibly detached from me. I can't reconcile this monster with the man who just a few months ago was so loving and cuddly and excited about our life. Is this who he really is or is this who he has to be in a break-up where he is involved with someone else. I miss the old version every day, every moment. I don't know how he can't miss me or feel any remorse or question his decision to destroy our life for this woman / other life. People talk about the affair fog, and how when you are in the midst of the infatuation, the person in the fog does crazy, irrational hurtful things. Is that what is happening here? Is there any possibility that this wears off over time and one day he will look back with clearer eyes and realize what he lost. Would love to hear others' perspectives on this.

There are a lot of folks on here that are dealing with spouses in MLC. I don't know if that is a factor here as well. My ex is 42 almost 43, spent that last 15 years of his life working his way up on Wall Street, we just bought a house with a lot of financial responsibility, said things like "this year is going by so fast", seemed unsure about settling down / committing in the past, is always worried about getting older, etc., and then proceeds to fall into an affair and completely dismantle his life, saying that our relationship was great, but he just wants something different now. Or maybe he is just a pure commitment-phobe. Arghhh - why can't people just be normal and kind and loyal and be grateful for what they have? Is that too much to ask???

And how do I recover from this? My self esteem, confidence and excitement about my future are completely shot. My fiance was the most important thing in my life - I loved him profoundly. I would have given my life for him. And he abandoned me horribly.

My only solace is that during the month of September, he cheated on the OW with me several times as I tried desperately to rekindle our relationship. Guess she can't be his soul mate if he is already lying to and cheating on her... Wish I could forward her all the emails he send to me that proves this - maybe one day, just shortly before their wedding... How does it feel, you soulless, sneaky homewrecker...???? Sorry, I know that is mean...

Venting.