Job, it is amazing how you hit the mail in the head. H texted yesterday “Thanks, I got it” regarding the mail. One day earlier than you suggested (you said by Thursday), which gives more hope that I will not be the case of 15 years in limbo (like you described about your DB friend), but maybe a bit less, LOL.
Mighty, Shining, thank you. Mighty, I feel like would also do some GAL with you and we would have so much fun. If you look at my sitch from outside, it does look like I have a new life and moving on. I do GAL, I just not always post it here. Too tired sometimes, and sometimes just discouraged because I don’t have much activity on my thread, and I’m too lazy to just journal. I also don’t have much energy recently. And this is where I feel like I’m stuck and not moving on.
I go to work every day and I’m so busy there, that I barely think about H. I like my job and I enjoy working with people. I also feel valuable. So, no problems on this front. But, when I come home, I feel very different. This is where all the sadness comes out. Night after night I’m thinking that I need to do something, to change it, but I don’t have energy and motivation. Sometimes I wonder how long this is going to last.
Linda, what a surprise to “see” you visiting my thread! You have very good memory. You remember the details of my sitch very well. I do see H occasionally, when he drives through the city on his way either to vacation home or back to where he works. I saw him back in March when we were at the off roads races at the vacation home place with my son and other friends. I saw him every day when I was there. He went out of his way to help us with setting up to watch the races. He came to the places I was with my friends at. I remember folks on this board were cheering me up, saying that it was a good sign and they had hope for me. Well, H went MIA after that again. I’m thinking he might have been testing the waters to see if we can be “best friends”, like he envisioned after BD. I guess it didn’t feel quite comfortable for him.
Then I saw him in May when he came to the house to pick up more stuff and use the tools to do some fixing on his camper.
By “old” H I meant the H I used to know, I was not relating to his age. Old in age is very relative definition these days. My friend at the vacation home just turned 60 and he has a young wife (34) and a 2-year old son. And he is still flirting with other women, b@stard.
Yes, I was re-reading the e-mail exchanges between H and Mexican girl again. I don’t know why I was doing it, to make myself hurt again? I think I’m trying to justify why I’m still feeling sad inside. I have a good life. I have a great job, enough money, I have a house, I can go to the vacation home, I have good friends, great son, great family, neighbors... I’m healthy, independent, likable… I don’t have anything to complain about. And yet, I still feel sadness inside. Maybe by reading the e-mails I was trying to intentionally hurt myself, so at least I would know why I feel like that.
Linda, you also remember about my Mom’s visit last year. This year is not that dramatic. She is at my sister’s and she is here for a shorter time. My poor sister is losing her patience, but it is only a few more days before my Mom goes home.
Linda, thanks for stopping by, my friend, and for your support. Always good to “see you” here.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
