That is interesting and reflects a lot of my thoughts lately.
If I end up divorced, I don't want to be "friends". It will be too painful. But for now, we have to be friends at least on some level.
We have shared responsibilities, if not children, and I have to be the bigger person because he is incapable at this point.
Sometimes it IS painful to be in contact, and for me, even more so when he seems more like his old self. GUBU is easy to dislike, so that makes it easier.
Seeing bits of my old H gives me tiny bursts of hope, which cause me to open my heart, and let more hurt and rejection in--which happens so easily even when it's not his intent.
In my case, he is not actively being disrespectful or at least I am not aware of him engaging in anything that is a deal-breaker for me.
How can he rekindle an attraction for me if he doesn't get the chance to like me? If he doesn't enjoy himself around me?
The fact is, what he remembers of our M is now tainted. I have to help him forget that and see what our life has to offer now.
This doesn't mean be a doormat for him to mistreat me, just treat him as I would any person I care for.
Granted, it is HARD. To think of everything you're going to say, what your next move will be, trying not to take things personally. It's WORK.
He will not put himself out there to be hurt by me. I think that has been made clear. So I have to do it, and take the risk.
But slowly. Carefully, gently... with no pressure.
I'm just--here. I don't pursue, but I'm available. And I'm super nice, super cool.
It's just got to be very gradually, with no expectations, and a lot of STFU and CTHD. (That's Calm the Hell Down.)
I made the mistake of being too cold/too dark when I was really angry and hurt and I think it backfired on me.
It did, however, help a great deal with my detachment, and I think it was also the catalyst for him seeking therapy in his own.
Of course, it could have been something else altogether.
Anyhow, sorry for the hijack, Maybell. Again.
Your Pal,
The Goal Gal
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
