Maybell XVII

[Zues126]

Maybell...I talked to my DB coach about being friends. Personally I don't want to be friends with my STBX. Why?

-it hurts. It's easier when I keep my distance.
-i dont see the point in getting closer than i would if she or I was in another relationship. That means not very close.
-she's not a good friend. One that spews venom and only talks at me with no interest in my feelings is not a good friend, nor is one that acts how she's been acting and tearing apart a family.
-I resent the idea of her getting what she wants from me.

Personally I don see reconsciliation as likely at this point. Personally I don't miss my STBX or my old M. I miss the M I wished I had and the W I wished I had. But right now my only desire is to keep being ok on my own and protect myself from getting caught back up in drama.

My DB coach told me I was wrong. She told me that while we may be remarried someday, we're not now, so don't worry about that. She said that if I was disappointed with her character for walking away from a M because she 'didnt feel like it' then I needed to stand by my M even when I don't feel like it. She said that friendship was a critical step towards reconsciliation and that I needed to be strong, this was the hardest part when I start accepting the loss and want to move on. And she said withholding friendship out of resentment wasnt consistent with y beliefs, and that I had to act with compassion and patience.

She didn't actually say all that exactly, but those were my realizations and some of those were her words.

So I was friendly today. It hurt. I'm better when I'm not interacting with her. It hurts when I do. I resent the fact that I have to act in ways that hurt me so much when I'm doing it for someone that already broke my heart. I am frustrated that I am doing it when I don't even think it will make a difference.

But I'm doing it because I believe it's the right big for me to do, and because if we did reconsciliation my feelings would follow, and if we don't I'm hopefully better able to live with myself and in a better place. Personally it's so hard right now all I want to do is medicate somehow, that's why I'm on here so much lately. Prayin the day comes that the hard road pays off soon.

But one positive is I've received some very positive feedback from some of you all and my close friends about he way I've been handling it. For that I thank you.

Maybell, anyone, what do you think about that view of friends?