separated and not sure about what's next

[Sotto]

I would focus on truly understanding the depth of the hurt that will be there. It is important to show how deeply remorseful you feel, and also provide reassurances. Trust has been shattered - particularly with two affairs, not just one - and this will take some time to rebuild.

It sounds to me from your post that you are trying to push your W too soon, and you need to understand the depth and gravity of what has happened. And appreciate that she may feel significant ambivalence for some time.

Only you can decide how long you can wait - but I don't think this is the time for timebound strategies as you suggest above. If you haven't already, have a read of the infidelity section in DR, which provides some further insight into how you can help your S recover.

Best of luck...