WAW + divorce filed, Becoming-V2 - part 1

[Fartiltre]

B-V2,

Sounds like you handled that just fine …and well done on NC! Try keeping it that way for now and see what happens.

Many LBH “invents” things that they find very important to address immediately (BTDT) and therefore I believe the 48 hour rule will do you good from hereon.
If you find yourself thinking about contacting W then wait at least 48 hours. If your have to make decisions or statements that include W in anyway then consider doing the same. DBing is counterintuitive and therefore our instincts are often wrong. Sandi2s rules are so easy to read but very hard to follow as you might have learned reading through threads in here. The reason for that is that they work against our instincts.

The WAW is hard to understand and that goes for your W as well! She might be happy, she might not – my belief is that most WAWs go through many of the same feelings as the LBH. The despair, the hurt, the anger and so on but that this is combined with the feeling of relief. The decision they make has been on their minds for a long time and they have not been happy in the R – BD removes that pressure and many WAWs almost seems to celebrate BD for a short time. They announce it to the world, buy new clothes, start going out and just seems plain happy - for a short time. The reality kicks in and other feelings get mixed in with the relief (I am not saying this is what your W is experiencing) So the roller coaster applies here as well as you write.

Bottomline is that you won’t know and it doesn’t matter. What matter here is you working on you! You need to get to a happy place without your W because once there the self-confidence, the smile, the positive outlook and so on will return and that attracts! Many LBHs tries to turn this around by reading about attraction to save time or cut a corner, but it doesn’t work. You need the basics (YOU) set first and you have to be you on an honest foundation. Yes, you can play games (BTDT) but you will fall through and come out false or shifting. You need to be you – maybe a different you but still with a strong foundation in values and beliefs. That is why this takes a long time and at some point you will get the “she is giving you a gift”.

The act as if applies to the above. Act as if you have already found your happy place and then save the tears and grieving for when you are alone. The act as if applies in all your interactions with other people. You can pick a few close friends that you trust and talk with them. My advice would be to either pick zero (and do the talking here) or make sure that the ones you pick have absolutely no contact with your W. Stop talking about your W unless asked. Stop talking about anything that has connection to relationships, divorce or likewise unless asked.

Act happy until you become happy! Act as if your W is never coming back and make yourself the happiest man in that light! Make this about you!
F