Thanks Eric, Great points you make. I've been trying to get her to think about things and "why" she feels a certain way. I KNOW she wants as little supervision as possible, that's part of the reason she wants to stay at her mom's (along with her friends being there). I have had to be careful about allowing more than I'm comfortable with lately. It's been hard as I know she needs to find her place in her new life around so many new people and she does need the freedom to do that. At the same time, she also needs to understand that things are different and whether she likes it or not, she needs to adjust somewhat.
The fact that she can talk to me is IMO the most important thing. She has seen the way her sister and I can talk about things that she could never talk to her mom about and I'm sure that helps her feel comfortable. I've learned to not allow my first reaction to whatever she says effect me. Like when she told me she kissed a boy for the first time, my first thought was "Who is he and where's my gun!", but by letting that pass and realizing it's a normal part of growing up I'm able to talk to her without making her feel "judged" but at the same time know it is something that concerns me and she needs to be careful about. Hard to do at times but it's the right way to handle things.
The letting go is hard but necessary. I learned that with my oldest D19. I let her go too much because I felt she was in a "safer" place in private school but I was wrong. It's the balance between letting go and still holding on just enough when she needs to be pulled back that is the hardest part!
Sooner or later I know things have to change for the better. Just can't wait for the clouds to part! Thanks Eric!
