Wife Still in MLC but has now left #6

[Matt165]

Hello one and all,
Thank you everyone for the kind words and ideas from my last thread. Lost my internet connection so I've been away. Turns out I had the beginnings of pneumonia and I just got back to work (at the office) today. I hardly ever get sick with colds and such but I'm sure stress has much to do with my illness. My W has had my D14 all this time since I was sick and we didn't want her getting anything. Yesterday I went to pick her up from school and she tells me that she has plans for that night with a friend and "needs" to stay with her mom. Also that Friday night is the "big game" at school and since Saturday is her mom's birthday she wants to stay there. I really think the birthday thing is an excuse. She also told me that she kissed a boy for the first time and he was "very bad at it, like a dead fish". I laughed and said that since this was her first, how does she know that just isn't how it's done? All kidding aside I'm worried about her. She wants to stay at her mom's because her friends are all there and she can do whatever she wants until her mom gets back from work late. She has changed so much in the short time she has gone to school there and without supervision she may just go too far. She is still wanting to stay there during the week because of school being so far from where I live.

I think it's great that she talks to me about these things and trusts me enough that she knows I won't overreact or freak out but I'm also worried about her and miss her very much. This is such an important time in her life and she really needs me to help her not make mistakes. I know how much more trouble I would have gotten into without my dad around at that age. And with her mom just not that interested in what she's doing or worse, not caring, she really needs a stable force around.

Now, about MY life....my parents have really come through for me. They paid the late balance on my car and said that until the end of the year (2 months) they will pay the monthly to give me a chance to catch up. Earlier this week after they heard about my illness they also are sending me some money to pay my late bills. Not a lot but enough to give me a chance to find a new job (hopefully) and at least get some funds coming in. The service they used is taking a long time and if I don't get the funds by tomorrow, my electric will be at stake. I will call again today if the money isn't there by the end of the day. I hate this. I have been able to make a lot of money over the last 20 years and NEVER thought I would ever be in this position again in my life. If only I had known that B-day was coming and that my M didn't have a chance, I would have done things so differently. Live and learn.

On the job front, I decided that I just have to expand my job hunt to not only south of where I live (my W moved almost 30 miles south) but also north. I live between two large metro areas (Austin and San Antonio) and have worked in both cities over the years. In the last couple days I heard from 3 places. 2 of them are for commision only jobs but one isn't but it is also fairly far north and that would mean I couldn't get my D14 to school so she wouldn't be able to stay with me during the week! I really hope something south comes up but at this point beggars can't be choosers and she can't stay with me at all if I don't have electric and water! Bad enough that my internet is down as she will need that for school and to keep in touch with her friends!

In the past whenever something has happened like a company I worked for closed or I lost a job, I was always able to get something just as good or better. This time I may have to settle for going down a bit and trying to work my way up. I am waiting for the money guy at my office to come in and talk about my getting some funds again. We will see... Thanks everyone for being there when I needed some support so badly!

[TSquared2]

Check out a company called Siftit, I saw on their website that they might have sales positions open... They do technology for restaurants through-out Texas and the U.S. Maybe they have a territory near you that needs an account manager.

I know its not oil, but sales is sales and the important skill set transfers easily.

Description
SiftIt is passionate about helping our customers buy better, sell better and live better. SiftIt unites restaurant operators, suppliers and technology to create a purchasing marketplace. SiftIt utilizes a rich technology platform and database that provides value to small and medium sized restaurants that do not possess the resources to effectively control their costs. In addition, SiftIt’s platform will provide suppliers with easy visibility to potential customers and in depth spend analytics that will help them implement an effective strategy in an increasingly competitive market.

[Matt165]

Thanks T2, I'll check them out today! I have been sending out resumes to all different kinds of companies, not just oil and NG. I'm a quick study and can learn any product and sell it like the professional I am. Problem is HR people all seem to want sales people to have all kinds of knowledge about very specialized fields before they even will consider someone. Not sure how they plan on finding many candidates that way as some of the companies are in VERY specialized fields, there just can't be that many who know as much as they want them to about their products or services! Thanks again!

[ericmsant2]

Matt

Glad you are feeling better!

She has changed so much in the short time she has gone to school there and without supervision she may just go too far.

And chances are SHE is going to continue to change. IMO, she may not want the supervision and may be enjoying the new found “freedom”. IMO, YOUR job is to have clear as day boundaries with her. The more freedom you give her….the more she will take. Remember…you are parenting her for the future – not just for today. In my sitch I clearly allowed more than what I truly felt comfortable with – I justified it. The reality is that I was afraid to lose my daughter. IMO, that fear will keep you stuck doing things that YOU do not agree with.

I think it's great that she talks to me about these things and trusts me enough that she knows I won't overreact or freak out but I'm also worried about her and miss her very much.

It is WONDERFUL that she talks with you about these things… WONDERFUL. Cherish every moment of it. It’s normal to worry – that worry though is YOUR issue – not your daughters. Keep being the rock that she can come to…to talk about anything she wants to. Do not freak out…but do not be afraid to tell her your views…or better yet…ask HER how and why she thinks/did X. Teach her to THINK…teach her to learn about HOW and WHY she may feel this or that….those lessons Matt…she will take with her for the rest of her life.

This is such an important time in her life and she really needs me to help her not make mistakes. I know how much more trouble I would have gotten into without my dad around at that age. And with her mom just not that interested in what she's doing or worse, not caring, she really needs a stable force around.

It is also the time that you need to let her go a bit…. Keep showing her how to think on her own, how to make and own her choices.

Keeping moving forward, keep your chin up buddy. You are doing great! I know that job and finances can be a bear to deal with….remember……at some point, the storm will subside…and the sunshine will come out.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Matt,

Good to hear you are getting some help to get through this period. I know your area well. I did field work out there between Austin, San Antonio and a little one store town called Yancy which is near Devine.
What did you do in the OIL / NG business? I may know some people fairly high up and may be able to get you some job suggestions. I was involved in developing new technology for oil field management and hold several patents in that area.

If I did not have my own issues to work on I would be out of here and probably down there working.

[TSquared2]

Problem is HR people all seem to want sales people to have all kinds of knowledge about very specialized fields before they even will consider someone. Not sure how they plan on finding many candidates that way as some of the companies are in VERY specialized fields, there just can't be that many who know as much as they want them to about their products or services!

I hope that doesn't stop you from applying...in my field they do that too, seriously, some jobs lists of required skills in IT you would need 2 candidates with 100 years of age, lol... apply anyway.

One job I got was because I had better grammar and was more well spoken, more confident than the other candidates, some of whom had more experience... you never know, Matt. Carpe Diem.

This is also where networking can help get you around the usual HR weeding...


You really don't have much to lose by applying everywhere, do you?

[Matt165]

Thanks Eric,
Great points you make. I've been trying to get her to think about things and "why" she feels a certain way. I KNOW she wants as little supervision as possible, that's part of the reason she wants to stay at her mom's (along with her friends being there). I have had to be careful about allowing more than I'm comfortable with lately. It's been hard as I know she needs to find her place in her new life around so many new people and she does need the freedom to do that. At the same time, she also needs to understand that things are different and whether she likes it or not, she needs to adjust somewhat.

The fact that she can talk to me is IMO the most important thing. She has seen the way her sister and I can talk about things that she could never talk to her mom about and I'm sure that helps her feel comfortable. I've learned to not allow my first reaction to whatever she says effect me. Like when she told me she kissed a boy for the first time, my first thought was "Who is he and where's my gun!", but by letting that pass and realizing it's a normal part of growing up I'm able to talk to her without making her feel "judged" but at the same time know it is something that concerns me and she needs to be careful about. Hard to do at times but it's the right way to handle things.

The letting go is hard but necessary. I learned that with my oldest D19. I let her go too much because I felt she was in a "safer" place in private school but I was wrong. It's the balance between letting go and still holding on just enough when she needs to be pulled back that is the hardest part!

Sooner or later I know things have to change for the better. Just can't wait for the clouds to part! Thanks Eric!

[Matt165]

Hey LT, small world!
I have worked for small operators that drill their own wells raising funds from accredited investors. I also need to know about the drilling process from start to finish to keep the investors up to date about the progress of the drilling and also production once the wells are on line. As such I have a well rounded working knowledge of the business. The last 2 years I have been involved in the start up of a new operating company and have been part of everything from choosing sales software to hiring and training support staff, sales staff even writing and putting together sales prospectus' to send to investors.

If you know anyone that needs pretty much anything in the oil and NG area to be sold, please let me know! Thanks!

[Matt165]

Hey again, T2.
Yes, I've still been applying even if I don't "seem" qualified. I always think "you never know". I will say this, I do interview well. Usually if I can my foot in the door far enough to get an interview, I can get the position. I'm also keeping a look out for some networking Meetups in my area. So far the ones I have found are far north and I really need to stay close or south, although that can change if it must!

[TSquared2]

So far the ones I have found are far north and I really need to stay close or south,

....thinking more on this...

You want your life to be better, you need certain aspects to be better, sooner rather than later...

Right?

So you need to stop with the excuses, and the "excuses thinking"... because it doesn't seem to be working for you.

W has nothing to do with this anymore (yes, really, she doesn't)...

You knew how the start-up operated and you should have acted sooner, you said so yourself...

HR does this, etc... yada yada...

Excuses.

Well, f**k that.

You want things better? Then start acting towards that goal, fearlessly.

Anytime you think of an excuse for not applying, not networking... "not my field", HR, W, FIL, the startup, etc and forever, I want you to say:

"Because F**k That"

And do it anyway. Fearlessly. No excuses

My G-Dad and Dad instilled in me the truth that "if it is to be, it is up to me".

I bet W could use your employment and risk of having utilities shut off, etc., situation against you rather easily, in The D.

It's time to take YOUR LIFE back, and the only way is to stop with the excuses and take action, be bold, have balls the size of coconuts, whatever it takes to get income coming in...

Because F**k That....