Should I wait and see, or move to file first?

[blndsid]

I re-read the replies and I think I should own the anger issue mentioned as well. I would say I'm more frustrated than angry, but for sure the snooping and thus knowing every lie she tells when she tells it would have to be described as anger, or poison to the soul. Intend to let the A and snooping go and focus on me again.

A stat that bothered me was from my pastor. I asked him how many couples he'd worked with in his career (30 yrs) where one filed for D and it didn't actually happen. He said it was very, very few. Almost all went through since whoever filed usually saw it as the last option.

Still back and forth on the D filing decision. I want to work on things but I also think it would get her attention and make her realize I'm serious about not living in an open marriage. Not sure how else you hold that boundary without some sort of act of defiance. Confronting her about the A obviously doesn't work. It just makes her angry and more spiteful. D filing might do the same, I guess, but I bet it would shake up the fantasy world she is living in now.

I also like that it would theoretically allow me to control the pace. I would make it clear that I'd delay moving forward as long as she and I attended MC on a regular basis. But does MC even matter if the A is on going behind the scenes? She'd probably say I was forcing her to go to MC, but actually she would still have an option, go forward with the D. I hate this mind reading crap.