Wife in denied but ongoing affair, what to do???

[blndsid]

Survived another night with W at her conference with OM. Slept most of the night but did wake up for an hour or so around 3 or 4 this AM, but fell back asleep. Thoughts then were mostly on the D decision. No pills or booze to assist, just good old fashioned exhaustion. Detaching has been an issue with her here and acting as though she's ended the A. I've stopped snooping and that is a great relief that I hope will continue to heal. My hope for this week was to get my mind wrapped around letting my old W go.

I've confronted her 3 times regarding the A and all three times she says she ended it that night. I find that odd. I don't expect her to tell the truth, but she could say nothing about it the next day and at least not lie about it. I would rather be in a position where we both know it's going on, but leave it at that and not discuss or dwell on it.

Each time that I work to detach she seems annoyed that I treat her like the A is on going, which we both know to be the case, except she thinks I should act as if I believe her lies and be warm to her. She gets offended that I don't believe her. I guess the lies show signs of guilt, which could be a good thing, but then she doubles down on trying to hide the A better.

From here on out I don't intend to focus on the A, I know that has been a poison in my soul I have to let go. However, I refuse to live in an open marriage and I wonder where that line will be when I say this has gone on long enough. I'm already tired of being in limbo, if she wants out she's free to leave. It might even be a relief.