Ganb8te 2 - WAH - lost in translation

[gan]

Thanks for coming over, Mr Bond. Where we stand is probably best summed up by a statement made by my H the last time I had contact with him:

IF we were to get involved again the R would have to be very different. Right now he doesn't see how that can happen.

A direct link to our last interaction is here (3rd post down).

Since BD 4.5 months ago we've seen each other 2-3 times and exchanged emails/texts over practical matters a few times in between. He denied that there was an OW at the time of BD and I've not asked or snooped since. I don't generally initiate contact and he does so infrequently. We've split our finances and are living separate lives. I'm letting him be. But that sentence above makes it sound like he hasn't closed the door...

I've been thinking about what would need to be different and what he might need to see in order to believe our M could work again. He's a man of few words and explained little of what what going on at BD. He wants more fun, more passion, more connection, and I agree there were issues there. Since there's next to no contact I can't work on these things within the context of the M. But…I am working through what I perceive to be my barriers to them with my IC (e.g. my relationship with work, issues around sex) and developing myself more outside of work. He also said I don't listen and I've come to think I need to change my approach to communication in general. I want to improve this area (I've read how to improve your M without talking about it, nonviolent communication) but rarely get the opportunity to practice with H so am striving to do this in everyday exchanges. It's hard though (as you all know).

I'm feeling good about me right now. Things have stabilized and I feel like I am operating from a different place. I'm not going down cheeseless tunnels but I'm not moving things either.