Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

I just had a very weird phone call from my W.

She texted me at 9:20 pm: "I need to talk to you". On the phone, she announced that she wants to change the godmother of our oldest D from my cousin and his wife to her divorced friend who was here in the days just before my wife announced that she wanted out. We'll call her Anna (name is changed). Here's what I wrote in my original message.

There were a few triggers. First, she started a job at a start-up a month before she left. She found there people who valued and complimented her. It's the kind of place with a live-in dog, chess boards, Playstations, social clubs, drinks at the office on Friday afternoon, etc. She bonded with her colleagues who are younger, free, fun, etc. She was happy at work and not at home. Second, a long-divorced friend came to stay with us for 5 days and told her that I'm not good enough for my W, that her divorce was a liberation for her. Two days later, my wife asked for a separation.

My W explained that Anna is a good role model for her daughters because she's a strong woman, she does what she wants and she doesn't follow the traditional model of the cute couple. And by the way, she's also done with that model.

Anna is indeed an admirable person in many ways. She's an accomplished engineer with a strong drive, intelligence, wit and many activities. She also has a bad temper and had a fallout with my W a few years ago because she embarrassed my W during an outing with her loud mouth. When my W complained to her afterwards, Anna replied that she is who she is and that if my W didn't accept it, then she didn't want to talk to her. It was mended a year or two later. Another time, my W was upset because Anna flirted with her father when they met at our house. It was nevertheless a surprise when she announced her desire to visit us for 5 days over Labor Day (we live far away now), but she turned out to be an awesome guest (little did I know...). And I should probably note that said friend is very liberated sexually — she sleeps with a lot of men, as far as I can tell. Her divorce was bad: it happened because of a huge fight and her husband just gave up and never looked back.

So as much as I admire this woman, I don't find her a good role model for my daughters. She has a narcissistic bent that just isn't conducive to deep relationships. I'm not very traditional and I can accept that she's her own woman, but the problem is what my wife sees in her. Also, this is a radical change of heart. Here's what my W wrote 3.5 years ago about Anna:

"I need to talk to Anna and tell her that D's birthday is for kids and I'm not comfortable about how she behaved with my dad [she flirted]. I'll tell her about the 1-year birthday of D and how she arrived with a "friend" [inappropriate outfit and not invited anyway], an hour late (dressed like a [censored] but this I might not mention), with a bottle of alcohol."

And now, she wants her as the godmother of the same child. Can someone tell me what's happening with my W? Has she seen the light or fallen into the darkness?

I feel I have to give in and accept the change. My W also framed it as a question of fairness because our two daughters have godparents on my side. Anyway, my W doesn't understand what it means to be a godmother or tutor so she probably won't even think of the implications. She won't ask to sign anything. It's symbolic for her. Denying her request would be to disapprove of her current behavior and she's not ready for that, at all.

By the way, her tone was slightly aggressive, over-hyped. She was speaking very fast and wouldn't accept any resistance. She got slightly angry when I asked her to explain why and I had to tell her that there was no need for this. I kept my cool throughout.

I'm wondering if she recently turned bipolar. I've a little experience with such people and part of her behavior matches, but it's a stretch to diagnose her based on so little information. She was taking antidepressant in the months leading to the separation and I know she skipped them a few times after she moved.

Thoughts? I'm puzzled.