Recent Separation...trying to cope

[dil]

Just got back from meeting my W for dinner. I think it went very well. I was able to keep the meeting positive and let her bring up R talks. Started talking about how our weekend was and how work is going. I do feel I talked a little to much about my weekend but she seemed to be happy that I was getting out and making friends and reaching out to my existing friends. We joked a bit, I love seeing her laugh and be happy. Kept good eye contact throughout to show her I was listening. Overall, we genuinely enjoyed each others company which helped keep the positive vibes.

We talked a little bit about separation logistics, the main one tonight was splitting up our phone plan. She wants to be on her own plan. She is the main account holder on it now. I told her I would rather not split it up until we were sure of the D. I also explained to her since we were grandfathered into an unlimited data plan, that I wanted to wait. She then told me in a rather firm tone, that we are splitting up and we need to eventually do it and she wanted to get a new phone. She didn't want to commit to another 2-year contract with me on the account so I suggested we go see someone at the carrier store to discuss how we could split up the account while keeping our existing data plans. That diffused the tension a little bit.

We then started talking logistics of the separation. Talked about things we need to split up financially, mostly in brief so we know whats out there, if it gets to that point. The biggest thing being our house. With winter coming soon, I told her it will take longer to sell the home so we would need to be prepared for that. Once the house is sold, the splitting of other finances will be a breeze since most of our CCs are in our own individual names and we wouldn't be putting a significant amount of our income toward the mortgage anymore. It was short but I validated everything she said.

She started to bring up R stuff and started talking about what may have went wrong and things we both might have done to contribute to the breakdown of the M. We both understood that we both are avoiders and that we did not communicate our issues very well which contributed to things getting brushed under the rug and eventually resurfacing and causing resentment. She started crying a little bit and I told her I was sorry that we couldn't work things out a little better. She told me that if we had communicated better, we wouldn't have ended up where we are now. I agreed and told her that we probably would be in a better place had we known good communication habits.

At the end of the night, on the way home, we were both fairly quiet. Talked a little more about work. Then we got to our house and I went to say goodbye to our cats and afterwards we had a nice hug, I said have a good night, then was on my way back to my moms house. All in all, it was a good meeting. I was prepared had it gone negative but luckily it did not go that way.