Feeling So Resentful

[mustardseed]

Thanks for your response. So what do I do at this point? Are there any specific DB tools for rug sweeping? I don't remember reading about that in the book, but maybe it is time to check it out of the library again and reread it.

And while I DB with this situation of status quo--should I be financially preparing myself for S or D? Should I keep my guard up that way? I am afraid to tell him how much I will be making. I gave him a ballpark figure but when I signed the contract I realized it was more than I thought. I don't know what the right thing to do is as far as our finances when I feel like I can't trust him. There were so many decisions about medical insurance, life insurance, pension, Annuity, all of these things that I always thought of as being marital decisions but I am on my own. I don't want to be the B-tch that excludes him from everything. He has been the main breadwinner and benefits holder for many years and it doesn't seem fair for me to now leave him out of mine. But I don't trust him right now and I don't want to make anything easy for him financially since he has been holding out on the family finances for so long.

I suggested starting to use the joint account again for household expenses so we can each contribute equally, and getting a Credit Card for him from one of my accounts that we can use just for household expenses and pay in full each month. He told me he doesn't trust himself with a credit card and doesn't want it (I was going to get it for him but not give it to him unless he needed it for a family expense). And he told me he didn't want the joint account because he likes the way things are working now. He gives me bill money (although I always have to ask for it), I deposit into my account and pay everything. I just think things will be more even and open the other way because he is constantly making comments about how I must have so much money because of the checks he gives me--ignoring the fact that that is only enough to cover 1/2 of the bills (not including rent--which is automatically deducted from his pay). And I want him to see all of the extra stuff that I have been paying in addition to my share of the bills--which makes things pretty even--despite the fact that at this point in time I make 1/3 of what he makes. Of course now I will be making almost as much as him. I want him to be clear on the fact that this doesn't change his contribution at all. I will increase mine, it will go into the joint account and we will use it for anything that comes up.

I don't want him to have anything to hold against me. Every time I tried to show him how I am handling the finances so he can see that I am not hording or hiding money, he tells me he trusts me and doesn't need to see it. But then a few months later he makes another comment about how much he gives me.

The funniest part is that when I talked to a lawyer, if we divorce the minimum amount of child support he would be responsible for is only a couple hundred less than what he is contributing now for things that he uses too. Maybe he found out the same thing and that is why he had the change of heart about D.

Ugh, maybe a few months in this new position will help me see if I really want to bust this divorce or if I should just go and file myself. The more I think about it, the more he isn't worth it--but that is because he isn't around. As soon as I see him I fall in love all over again.