Is this normal?

[elltee2]

I want to save the M because this is basically our first set of conflicts. Ever. We have really never fought before, and I think a major issue is that neither one of us knew how to sit down and discuss what bothered us without being accusatory and with the intent to work together to find solutions. I absolutely just thought we were in a rut, and when she dropped the D bomb, I was finally sitting her down to discuss how to get out of the rut and potential solutions.

Sure, there are plenty of unresolved issues but nothing insurmountable yet. It is hard coming home from work everyday and spending every night having dinner with her and watching the television with her like everything is normal, before retiring to our separate bedrooms for the evening with some physical contact but nothing sexual. Whenever I bring anything up about the R she gets very defensive and totally detaches.

I don't really feel badly for myself and I'm not wallowing in pity. Sure there are things I could have done and said differently in the past but I am just genuinely puzzled about the whole situation. Although we live together, like I said this week she is staying with coworkers and working at an office a few hours away. It is weird to me she doesn't express a sense of loneliness or reach out in a moment of weakness. Not sure if that means she is either having an A or so shut down and resentful she is just numb.

I feel conflicted on my own. Sure, being in the house we bought together makes me feel a bit lonely. But the household is easier to manage when she isn't around, and things are definitely less awkward. On the other hand, I know M couples are supposed to work through things like this...we got married because we were theoretically willing to stick together when things aren't easy anymore. This is what makes M couples strong, and I would be enthusiastic to go to counseling, make compromises and do things differently. I have expressed this to her and it freaks her out. I am trying to get it, but I just don't. Guess the best way to be supportive is to let her have her space and work on some meaningful 180's.