Trying to stay patient- part 6

[Shakspr]

Tar. Reread and re-invigorate that mantra about 3x daily. Eventually it will take. Mine has.

I now make decisions based on what I want and what is good for my children. If I take a box of stuff over (food, spices, etc.) to her new place, it's to get it out of my hair, out of my pantry, and out of my head. I don't make a fuss, and typically do it when she's not there but SS15 is. My kids need to eat (her move out last weekend was far from complete when I returned on Sunday.)

Likewise with her books and stuff. I'm moving them out of the house and into the converted garage that was the family room (now empty.) I'm not doing her a favor. I'm recreating my home the way I want it (and giving her a timeline to get that stuff or risk losing it). If it makes her life easier, so be it. I understand my own motivations.

Budget is done. I'm divorced. I'm paying child support in advance of the court-ordered requirement (in effect 3 Nov) because I want to support my children. No need to go into "letter of the law" mode.

She now initiates convo. I never call, only text. I do allow and encourage the children to call whenever they are with me. I do not hover. When she asks them to give me the phone, I respond politely and succinctly. This is as dark as I can get with children. I don't even think "Why" anymore when I'm on the phone with her. Sometimes I still lose my detachment when I'm lying in bed, but not while interacting.

I say all this to let you know...you will get there. And her response will surprise you. My XW has already expressed surprise to her aunt at my decency and support while she recovers from surgery this week. Well, no need to be surprised. This is who I have always been. Utterly reliable. But now, in a different way.

Sorry if this seems like a threadjack. Got caught up a little there.