Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

Thanks Zimmy, your message made me think. I also burst into tears several times since I got this email from W. One time was for the pain you mentioned: will I ever be able to talk to her like before? Then I realized that what I want is not to talk to her like before, it's to sob and share my pain with her. "Normal" communication is to chit chat, joke around, etc. Perhaps that's something she's interested in. I need to set my sights on a normal interaction, not on the open heart that my emotions are craving (and that would destroy all hopes). Instead of seeing it as holding back, I should think of it as an opportunity to interact "normally" with her, as I crave it.

You've been through an awful ordeal with these false hopes. It keeps me on my guard. Thanks for sharing. And you're not the only one crying at the office...

What is wrong with our spouses that they think they can treat their families and loved ones this way????

I can't even be upset at my W for the way she handles the whole thing. Honestly, knowing her, she's doing her best. She limits her communications, she got upset only once in a month, she didn't make any trouble when she picked up furniture (left thousands behind), she doesn't give me false hopes, she tries to get a hold of her emotions around me, etc. The pain that she inflicts, often she's unlikely to be aware of it. I'm hypersensitive and can cry for an hour after she asks me a question unrelated to us. What can she do?

In all seriousness, stay upbeat and confident. You can always cut lunch short by saying you have an appointment or need to be somewhere.

Good point.

I think what I need to prepare for this lunch is to see where it fits into the timeline. At this stage, I probably still need to give her space. If we ever grow closer, it will be further down the road. If I manage to build a timeline showing me where this lunch stands (early in the process), I should be able to manage it. Still, I will need all the help I can get to prep for it!

By the way, I decided to offer to meet a week from now (patience!) at a restaurant between our workplaces, not in front of her workplace like last time (a month ago). It's a way to establish myself as my own person, to show her that I'm not waiting for her to call all the shots.