Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

(Nooo! I lost a post I've been working on for 45 minutes...)

I feel as pessimistic as last night. I've been going through threads of people going through rough times. BigMac just filed for divorce himself as things took a turn for the worse. Zimmy is facing the imminent sale of our dream house (really sorry for you Zimmy, really). Tarheel has slipped again.

It seems like my fate is to watch things get worse until the relationship is gone, the separation and the divorce are complete. I can't see another way right now. We're barely talking anymore and drifting apart (or breathing? healing? detoxing?). Believing that things outside of my control can be improved by my actions is fooling myself, it's delaying the unavoidable pain. Oh, my love...

I probably need to go in the piecing section more often, but it's awfully quiet. There's a very nice post by Heart14 today though. It gives hope.

It's funny how I just told BigMac that it's a multi-year process and that it's not over until he chooses so, yet I can't apply this reasoning to my own situation.

W asked for a call tonight to sort out some government work regarding the kids (unrelated to separation). I managed to escape it by giving another, email-based, solution. I don't trust myself for anything more than being silent.

I think you're blowing the costume up too much. If it doesn't seem like her, that's because it isn't her. She is experimenting with testing new boundaries. That's all. In a way, you have too see yourself on the same path, just handling it differently. She might see something you're doing differently now and thinking "huh, that doesn't sound like him". My w just got a kinda severe haircut and dyed it reddish. It looks....weird. Par for the course.

Thanks for your words of reason and comfort. I find it hard to see her changing without me and finding happiness in it. It makes me feel like I was the impediment.

The issue is entirely within your wife - she is really messed up right now and lost and all the bad and selfish facets of her character are in full rebellion as she is trying to find herself, though it is clear to all of us that she is self-destructing. You can't stop this, you didn't break her, and you can't fix it right now. She is in crazytown right now and the only thing you can do is not get sucked into this with her.

How I wish you're right... But it feels so good to think so that I suspect it's self-serving. She doesn't seem like someone self-destructing. She seems to have fun, to accomplish new things she couldn't do with me (why?).

I probably need to focus more on me, to GAL. I've had other ideas added to the list. I'll mention them when I'm doing them. For the week, keeping up with work and the kids (and these forums) is plenty.