Apologizing, or really just explaining, my attitude last night. I know better than to get sucked in like that. Stupid. In the moment, I was conscious of my past passive aggressive behaviors, so made the effort to take the subjects head on and tell her how I really felt. However, it just continued our tense interaction. It was clear from when we first sat down that neither of us were in the right place emotionally to have the conversation. I should have postponed it right then- stupid me.
Although I thought mentally I was doing well, her bailing on MC, moving things out, getting her own place and consulting with an atty feels like the band aid being pulled off again. All these negative emotions/feelings towards her that I had been working through during MC and dating her are now resurfacing. They feel justified in my mind, but I know acting upon them is not the right course of action.
I know her recent actions are needed if there is any chance for us in the future. I'm happy for her and I told her that. But emotions can be difficult to overcome at times.
To be honest, I'm more hung up and hurt by her R with OM than the failure of our M- I know where I/we went wrong and what the steps were to 'fix' the M. The A is what I'm left with unanswered questions on and is the source for a lot of my anger right now. The anger that I'm trying to push back down. When I twist it just right, her recent actions are her way of getting out of providing those answers to me.
