W initiated several long conversations about our relationship. She apologized for the A, acknowledged it was wrong, and she cried. I just nodded and said okay and held my hand out to comfort her and she gave it a squeeze. That was the most physical contact we've had in 2-3 weeks. She had many questions about my changed behavior, and I apologized for not doing things differently in the past (I used to work late often, now I've been coming home on time, I've been hanging with friends every night, been going to church and bible studies, excercising more often, eating healthier, making the bed every day, picking up after myself, focusing more on my physical appearance).
She is still saying that she wants to know what she missed out on by getting married so young, that she has accessed a part of herself that she can't ignore and whatever happens, she doesn't want to regret passing up on the opportunity to be free and independent and NOT married. She is annoyed that she is legally bound by marriage, and I said I hear what you're saying and as far as I'm concerned, legally bound of not, you're free to do what you want. You know where I stand and that I didn't want this, but you're an adult and free.
I've done a good job at dropping the rope and we haven't argued. Although what she is saying is really hurtful, I swallow my pride and acknowledge those are her very real feelings.
