I'm soooo happy to heaer your voice. I thought you'd given up the forum for good. yay....
I'm sooo happy to hear you're dating someone and you made me laugh when you said you don't have to moderate what you say (stfu) anymore around the house. I know- must be great.
I had no idea - sooo, where the heck did you meet this guy and how long have you been seeing him? (if ya don't mind questions) i'm going to share your pleasure vicariously and feel hopeful about "it all" via you. You are such a love-muffin- you deserve it and i feel good hearing you say you're feeling good and happy with someone currently. gives us all hope for life "after" i'm sure./
I'm still physically where i was- i'm mentally somewhere else- no definition.
h continues to be very nice & a bit more "trying" and unconsciously (i think) affectionate - tho for what reason i cannot fathom. if ow is around- why bother??? but, it's more pleasant to be around him or with him- (not what it was when it was happy - but not what it was when he was being a real jacka$$ either) I know we're supposed to let go of the past - and not even have expectations for the future - so ta da.... i'm better at that all than ever before.
I keep thinking i'll know something more about self,life,etc when this whole estate junk is over. I can see that i tend to be taking life one "project" at a t ime. (well, one "DUTY" or job at at time. The estate getting done is not going to happen quickly tho, i'm just cruising here, working is good, I'm being my most diplomatic (trying anyway) and not having any overt battles with anyone in family. i reckon i can be pleasant and courteous and get thru this without bloodshed if i stfu alot (i'm quite good at THAT) AND just humour everyone - and get thru it. SINCE - i cannot get rid of all of them and their participation - i've just got to deal with it peacefully. so far- that's my outlook.
i get mixed messages FROM h - i plod along, etc. sos with me really i guess.
i'M SO GLAD you're okay with divorce and aftermath (pretty much) - it's a tough habit to break, etc... years & years of someone. interesting that he keeps in touch- but then, you were a huge part of his life and "him" (my thinking).
I do not see any real cause for optimism here - i am just continuing along so as to NOT cause any major (and negative) repurcussions in my own little life and household - i cannot honestly see how it benefits me at all to add poverty to my emotional "mix" one minute before i must. practical? mercenary? idk- idc... My eyes are open- I do have hope of a small and practical sort- and i'm grateful still for all the good things.
I always knew nobody gets everything- well, except (apparently) H - who truly gets to "have it all" - or so he thinks. i think it stresses him out too tho, in general, in the background of his perfect life-
oh well- not even going down the "i wonder" road there-
i'm okay and i'm mighty glad to hear you are too.
xxoo i'm gonna try and remember to pick up the phone and give ya a jingle. i've been kind of "hiding out" since mom died- too much hard feelings and anger and resentment floating around here for this girl. the less i think and talk about everything stressful going on in life- the happier i am.
Garden is great - been painting & creative alot more than last five years- so yay for that all. think i'm regaining my equilibrium - whatever the heck that is - or is going to be going forward...
