The idea of very quickly scares me a bit. I do not want to think that I would "understand" too much to fast and miss the finer points. But I have had the precious Bomb situation opened my eyes a lot, it just did not stick well.
I know in my brain what it is I need to do, and I have a fight going on with my heart. My heart wants to love her unconditionally, and my brain affirms that the unconditional also means without her.
I have a heart of magic i think, and sometimes I feel I owe her my life for having "dealt" with me for so long. But I realize i owe her something a bit different, and that is the respect and admiration that is the woman I loved. I neglected that. I pray that some day she comes to understand that regardless of what happens. But my heart still wants her in my life, albeit a bit selfish to only want her as my wife.
I know what I must do. I need reassurance and guidance to move on the right path. And the road to forgiveness, although a difficult one, must be met both ways and treadled confidently and carefully.
I have confidence in my ability to be the man I know I am. I will be that man, for myself. And I dream that she wants that man and will choose to love me because she wants to, not because she needs to.
