Moving towards mediation, need to stop limbo

[shodan]

Met with my IC today. He too saw positive changes in my situation. He encouraged me to find a reasons to travel a bit more. Said that her being without me clearly struck a chord.

I also spoke with a friend who had cheated on his W a few years ago. They are happily married now. He too echoed that my W's changes should be viewed positively but clearly she is still confused. He also encouraged me to just detach, be positive but show compassion as necessary. Not about the A, but towards her in general.

What continues to befuddle everyone is why she will not admit to the A despite obvious facts to the contrary. My DB coach thinks it could be that my W knows that once she admits to the A, she really needs to stop it (which may have happened already). My IC thinks she will not admit to the A b/c my MIL apparently never talked about her A with my FIL. She just woke up after a few weeks, came back and told him that they needed to work on their M. They did MC and were married for almost 50 yrs before he died the past May. My W knew about the A (her mom told her when it happened) so she may see "denial" as a potential path to R.

But I do know she is not fully immersed in the A:
- she is not in NYC this week and was not there last week. If she goes next week, it will be ~3 weeks since her last trip to NYC (which was for one night)
- she redecorated our living room and mentioned to me last night that she was shopping for a new couch for our living room. Not exactly the actions of a WAW in an A
- She is nicer overall towards me

When I left her this morning, she was getting dressed and was in her underwear. I told her to wear that to bed tonight (she looked super hot) and then said "I will make you a deal, you wear that to bed and I will let you touch me tonight." She smiled. I then kissed her and left.

So my approach is a little random...a bit of plan A combined with a soft plan B (GALing, not always available for her, etc.).