Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

Thanks jim0987. I had a good morning, but my lunch time wasn't so good. With the smallest trigger, I have random memories of our relationship, often small things, and then I break down. I can't believe we won't be sharing these anymore. We had developed our sense of humor for instance and I just don't know where that's gone. We can walk for miles and miles, like few people do, and now that's over. It was a bond between us. Gone.

Also I realize that the reason the Facebook post didn't bother me emotionally is that it was a positive after all. I'm mostly indifferent to what's positive, reasoning that she's not coming back any time soon so I shouldn't get carried away. But the negatives bring me down. Just seeing in Gmail that she had logged out to go to lunch brought me down because I imagined her having fun, vindicated in her decision to leave me and for embracing her new life. I feel like every bit of fun she's having is against me, that she thinks this fun was not possible with me.

Hello time, my old friend
A friend told me last night that time is on my side. Life will become increasingly "normal" for her after the high of the new job and friends. In the long run (sigh), these new friends (5-6 years younger than her) will age and settle, move on, catch up with her stage of life (married, young kids). Also, she'll see less of what was bothering her in the R when she left -- we had had several fights in a few weeks -- and more of the whole relationship. I want to believe, I so want to believe. But if this was the case, wouldn't it apply to every separation? A majority of people would come back together then. Time can't do the whole job on its own.

Comforting story?
I like to hear reconciliation stories because they give me hope, but here's a different kind the same friend told me last night. A colleague of his divorced her husband because she had married too young, had her kids too young and just wanted to live a little (including dating many men, apparently). Years later, she got her wish but she hasn't found Mr. Right again. On the other hand, he has remarried and is perfectly content. She went back to him, but it was too late. A better ending from our perspective would be a reconciliation, but knowing that the WAW/MLC can have regrets is comforting just a little at least.

Joining the right team
In thinking of separations and reconciliations, I realized that there are several scenarios.

1. Joint decision, both spouses agree that the relationship has run its course.
2. Unilateral decision, but the other spouses accepts it. (I've seen this)
3. Unilateral decision and the other spouse fights it, badly.
4. Unilateral decision and the other spouse fights it well.

People on these forums are in the 4th category, or at least we're trying to move from 3 to 4. I don't know the stats for these situations, but we have to be in the group with the highest chance of a reconciliation.