my chance = HIS chance

[ericmsant2]

MM

I have stopped posting to you because IMO, you really are not ready or do not want to hear what EVERYBODY has been saying to you. For the most part everyone has continue to say the same thing to you. IMO, you have had some of the best poster that I know post to you and you still defend, and still cannot see what people are trying to say. Einstein definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Let me ask you a few questions….are you really ready to hear what people have to say? Are you really ready to walk away from this man, if only for a period of time to work on YOU and to get YOU to a place emotionally where you feel better? Are you ready to finally face your fear of losing him? IMO, you are so afraid of losing him that you will do anything it take to keep him. Yes this site is about saving marriages/relationships – that is true. The approach though is one that you do not seem to be able to grasp, which is …..SAVE YOURSELF, FIX YOURSELF FIRST and then try and salvage the R.

IMO, because everything you continue to do is to GET HIM BACK – you are not spending the time on trying to fix yourself. I agree with the others that you really need more help than this board can provide; however, if you were willing to really LET GO…then maybe…maybe…you can finally begin to fix yourself.

A couple of examples:
1) You want to buy a house for YOU – it will, according to you help you feel independent. Interesting enough…you claim to not have the money for IC. So to me, this tells me that YOU are not willing to do what it takes to fix YOU. The house is more important. IMO, you will remain on the hamster wheel until you decide to finally but YOURSELF first.
2) You continue to defend him – a clear sign of an abuse victim. Yet you do not see it. An IC would help you realize this – IF you went in to see the person to fix yourself – NOT to get him back.
3) I have posted that what you do are ACTIONS to get HIM back. Ya know MM, the same people that you claim do not SEE It from your perspective WERE IN YOUR SHOES before. I understand why you do what you do – I really do. I also know why I did what I did – initially.
4)

I already understand that I cannot fix, push or manipulate him.... I goofed this time, it was a mistake.... pushing and manipulating. 2 x 4 to self!! I am still impatient!!

Do you really understand that you cannot fix him? You said it was a mistake your actions…you even gave yourself a 2x4….yet you brush it off as a simple mistake. What you FAIL to see is that this ^^^ is a clear sign that YOU are not spending enough time trying to FIX YOU.

I am doing the work to improve myself...

Only you know this….what I find interesting is that most of the poster that have posted to you….would disagree, but then again…I know what your answer would be…. “we just do know…you see more in him….you are working on it….you are making progress…so is he…..” DB101 – validate. Read your responses to your fellow posters. Do you feel you validate US? Do you think your response just to the people on this board are consistent with who YOU want to be? Honestly, they are quite dismissive. I will not speak for everyone else… but when I spend time to try and post to you time after time after time….only to be dismissed. Why should I keep trying?

I am wondering why I am not getting more of this kind of advice?...

Because the people who have been posting to you do not agree that this is applicable to YOU. That is why. I am not here to tell you what you WANT to hear. If you want that….ya came to the wrong place.

it "seems" as tho many of you expect him to be offering marriage or to be ready for counselling...

Actually…..what you interpret as “seems”…is the problem. You hear what YOU WANT to hear. YOU interpret the way YOU want to interpret it. Personally, I think I have said 1,000…..work on yourself and let him go. That is not saying he should offer marriage. More importantly….. look at most of your posts….notice your thought process is what we expect “HE” should be doing. You see you want US to change HIM. You want us to tell YOU how to change HIM. MM, no one is gonna change HIM except himself. When you realize that you may finally take a different approach. Like……work on CHANGING YOURSELF.

So you ask….how are you not valuing myself….

IMO, the way you post, the way I see you think about things……if your BF were to say to you….. shove a banana in between your arms pits and jump up like a chicken for 4 days and THEN I will take you back and we will go back to the way things were….I actually believe you would do it.

Another point….your anger…..

Yep…subtle as it is…..is usually directed to the poster that do not agree with you. Why not take some of that anger and direct it towards HIM for once. Know why you will not…..cause you afraid to lose him.

When you finally stop being afraid to lose him is when you will find yourself.

When you find yourself …..that MM….

Is when YOU give yourself the best chance to have the R that you want….be it with him or with someone else.

Oh…and MLC or NOT….the steps are the same…..

Work on YOU, fix YOU, GAL, Detach……then maybe….you have shot.


I eagerly await your response, which I am sure will just tell me to explain further...to expand...or that I am not seeing or understanding what you are saying.