At one point I told myself that the biggest mistake I could make would be enabling her to spend time with the OM. For instance. If she calls me up and asks me to spend some time with the kids so that she could "go out", I felt I should say no if it meant to spend time with him.
Than I started thinking. The errors of this in my opinion: I am rejecting her decision by trying to keep them apart - my fighting against what she "wants". She will see that as me denying time with the kids and controlling her decisions, the kids as a tool. She's going to find a way anyway, and more fuel on the fire to affirm her decision to leave.
I have considered that the best option, is to spend as much time with the kids - period. Regardless of what she is doing - because they are my children and I want to be the best father I can. And this will come with perks (for added benefit, not for purpose).
Perks: knowing my prior inattentiveness with them, while on her "date" she will spend more time wondering how they are than enjoying the date. She may talk more about the children (and/or) me when with him - which he would not like. The kids will express what a fun time they had with daddy, and she will become jealous - I say this because her "addiction" to the OM has her spending less time with the kids (as I heard from her brother).
Again I am not using the kids, I seriously miss them and want to be better with them - regardless of what she is doing/thinking. I just believe that it has an air of reverse psychology to it. She will see my wanting to spend time with the kids and my seemingly "okay" attitude toward her being with the OM as confusing. She predicts my behavior to "fix us", to "stop" her seeing the OM, and this should confuse her or allow her to believe that I am accepting this situation.
Regardless of the outcome, I am going to spend all the time I can with them. But it is a good motivator to believe it should have a positive impact for us in time. And that it might "stress" their time together.
