Intro and Thoughts

[Hrdtims]

Hi guys and gals,
I find support here reading your posts. Here is my situation:
Our history M-18yrs, together 21, Me 41, Her 43, 3 great kids 15, 14, and 10. I have read DR, she does not search out information or help other than one of her close friends (girl). I do not know if the following was the friends advice.

No abuse, no adultery, no other people (I believe this although I cannot say 100% sure), and no drug or significant alcohol issues.

She stated (and continues to state) that she has slowly over the last years become emotionally detached from me and does not want to kiss or make love anymore. She wants a trial separation, but does not want to be the one to leave. I accepted that I have not been as attentive to her needs prior to this conversation (3 months ago) and should have picked up that this was happening years ago but didn't think we were that bad off (much better than my parents have modeled for me). I did a 180 for the last three months and have tried to show her the man that I am. I probably was doing too much and began to withdrawal, at which point she reached out to me and continues to. We hold each other nightly in our bed and it is comforting and confusing for me (and also for her).
She still talks of separation but acts like she enjoys me there, we seem to be close friends and in love at home (at night) but when we are out she will not show me affection and still does not want to be intimate.

She says that she is back and forth saying it will be OK, wanting the best for our kids and me but has not seen her feelings change over the last three months.
Please help, she and I are in so much pain. Our kids deserve us together. I have so much Love for her and them. I am following the recommendations in DR and am comforted by the community that you are a part of.

I guess that I have three questions:
1. Since it is I who knows what they want, I do not believe it is I that should move out. I told her I will support her decision financially and get her a appt across the street until she can resolve – Am I unrealistic with this?
2. When she tries to hold me at night should I refuse – stating that it is just too confusing to me?
3. When I pull away from her she states that “so you are turning the page on me” which I am not but it makes me reassure her. I can say that I am just working things out and am unsure – but this lack of affection and attention is part of the reason that I am in this mess. Thoughts???

Thanks, I have placed a lot of weight on what you may say. I wanted her to pursue this herself but she is not the best planner. I have had one session of online coaching and she will have a session tonight. I cannot stand to see her so sad but I am afraid that I will not be able to forgive her or myself if she proceeds with this path.