Need help. Scared, confused pt 3

[Jefe]

She is still way deep in the fog of alien land. Continue to focus on you but listen to her when she spews. The advice that was given to me was to really listen to the stuff that hurt the most. This feedback is probably dead on and something on which you need to work.

So you are saying the things she says to me that hurt me the most is what I need to give more of my attention to?

Would keeping the house cleaner be a 180 for you? Perhaps doing this would (1) show her that you do not need her and (2) demonstrate that you are moving forward. My W always made the bed in the morning but now never does. So I make it every morning. Why? To show her that I am moving forward and do not need her for anything. Not only might this attract her back, but it also is preparing me for what could be the inevitable (being a single dad). In the case of the latter, I will need to make meals, make the bed, clean up the house, etc.

When she left because of your depressive funk, and I was in one too, the house looked horrible. I busted my hump getting it back in order. She even texted me one day saying she liked how clean I kept the place. With everything going on the last week or so I have let some things slip a little. It still looks way better than it did when she left. But yes, I do see your point.

Finally, next time you do not reply to her texts, perhaps instead of "I heard you" respond with "oh, sorry, I have been super busy, just getting to your texts now." I heard you sounds like you were stewing a bit and angry. Anger will not attract her back. Confidence will. As the vets have tried to drill into my head, be happy, positive, confident and strong.

I was half asleep when she was texting but I still knew it was a little snippy right after I hit send. Truth is, I am angry, I was angry last night. This whole situation has got to be the stupidest thing that ever was. I understand though that it doesn't really fit into the detaching motif. I will do as you suggest at the next opportunity.

Thanks Sho. Your input and advice are valuable to me.