H's MLC #5

[job]

Try to remember that your relationship began as friends and then moved on to a more romantic/serious one. It's one minute at a time to one hour at a time and so on.

Try to keep the focus on you and allow the man upstairs to continue working on your h. There can only be one chef in the kitchen for now and that is the man upstairs...so allow him to continue baste and bake your h up into a mature man who has faced his issues and resolved them.

[2BHappy]

AMEN
I totally needed that reminder, to get out of GOD's way!!!

Got to stop worrying , once you pray no need to continue to worry. GOD got it!!!!

[mleigh4]

Hi 2bhappy. I so know what you mean. To want a better M/R NOW. I miss being loved, feeling important, having someone look at me like I am amazing. Then I think about how H must have felt when I was a WAS too. It helps me with patience, but man do I want better than this! I roll my eyes every time H goes into that stupid spare room. I know what you mean, sleeping together was a way of connection for me. Hopefully the man upstairs will make some progress with our baking men soon

[woundedfool]

NON DB move...

Oh, yea it was.

Could he be that confused?

Yes, he is.

Have you ever given him the MLC speech I cited several threads back?

[2BHappy]

Wounded...

No I have not given him the MLC speech you posted?

Is it in my posts? Can you direct me to it. Not sure if I know exactly what you are referring to

[woundedfool]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHvV55IpAxk

The speech starts at the 3:28 mark.

But watch the whole video.

[2BHappy]

Oh Yes,

I have given a lil different version of the MLC speech at 3:28 to my H. Not using the exact same words but I gave the same meaning,,,and maybe not even all at same time to my H.

I notice with my H I have to be short and sweet when talking to him, it seems like he is able to take it in in small pieces.

I know I have told him I was not the perfect wife and that I wanted him to be happy with or without me, I've asked him to forgive me for the wrongs I've done in our M/R...I told him I kinda know what he is going...

Maybe I did not give the speech correctly? Or you saying I should give the speech word for word

[woundedfool]

Ok, so long at you gave the gist of it. I would not revisit it again.

Have you done anymore experimenting with the sleeping arrangement?

[2BHappy]

Wounded,,,about sleeping arrangements

I have kept the fans off for last 2nights, adjusted thermostat in house (to hope we all can be comfortable), closed bedroom window.

H came to bed around 4am this morning,,,I told him "I hate that basement couch, I like you sleeping in bed with me"

Now I have decided I'm done with the issue, H knows exactly how I feel, I made adjustments so he will not be too cold, and I will not be too hot. It's now up to him, I have no plans on bringing it up to him again about where he sleeps in the house. I will mention it here if I think it might be showing signs on H returns or not,,but not going to mention it to H and it is no longer a goal related to my M.

I'm not going to put any more energy into that issue.

I watch a few of DB videos on youtube yesterday...they were very helpful.
I'm going to work on letting my H know I desire him I love him, by speaking his love langauge of touch and compliments..going to expirement with small touches, compliments, hugs etc,,,and watch his response. I will go very slow...going to speak his love langauge for a while and watch reactions...

[woundedfool]

I made adjustments so he will not be too cold, and I will not be too hot. It's now up to him, I have no plans on bringing it up to him again about where he sleeps in the house.........

I'm not going to put any more energy into that issue.

I think you missed the point on experimenting.....

Its not an all or none proposition, that required a wholesale change and to "throw the baby out with the bath-water"

You need to SLOWLY peel back things and see the results (and watch if they are positive or negative). For example:

First close the window.... see what happens (monitor results)
A few nights later, don't spoon.... see what happens.
A few night later... have the window open, and don't spoon.... see what happens.
A few nights later, no fan, window open, don't spoon... see what happens.
Note the days of the week this happens, maybe this is on nights he likes to watch a certain sport or event, or he has early meetings the next morning.

I'm going to work on letting my H know I desire him I love him, by speaking his love langauge of touch and compliments..going to expirement with small touches, compliments, hugs etc,,,and watch his response. I will go very slow...going to speak his love langauge for a while and watch reactions...

All sounds very good, but I really hammer the go slow part, this may or may not yield any result. That's why you go slow, and monitor for any change.

Try certain touches/hugs/compliments at certain times of the day.... See what happens.