I agree that all this is overwhelming, and a tad bit of "wow, i really have neglected myself in an unsettling manner".
The more you focus on you the better you'll feel. The more you focus on her the worse you'll feel.
I had a moment there when I did not actually put that perspective on it. Those words right there hit the spot.
It is hard to not have a moment where I miss her, and wish I could still hug her. But I am a bit angry and saddened by everything and Imagine myself walking away from her without turning back. Then I remember, that is not what I want - if I can take a chance at happiness with her as opposed to without her.
One issue I have been having and working on; If i had to make a list of pro's to making this marriage work, I could write a list all day. But I think my key here is to work on a list of what I would do/want for me on the possibility that I don't stand a chance or reconciliation. At this moment, that list is small. I am working on that list - Finding a goal in life that does not involve her was never a consideration before, but now it must be.
I cannot let my fear of losing this marriage control my day to day. I must have a confidence that if I believe that I am that man that she deserves, then that is who I should be; but because that is the man I want to be and should have been - with or without her. A new perspective. A new beginning.
Thank you everyone, please keep it coming, and I will do the same. It's always nice to have new family.
