What is going on in their heads?

[Zimmy]

All: Need some real emergency insight here.

Ex just emailed me with: "Hi. Thought we should try to talk tomorrow. Maybe by phone or email. I know there is a lot going on and I think it would be helpful."

Which means he wants to talk about the logistics of splitting up. (We jointly own the house, though he is only person on the mortgage. The house would be a huge burden financially for just one person, so I suspect he will want to force a sale. He also is the person named on my car's lease.) Breaks my heart. I don't want this. I shouldn't want such a damaged person, but I miss the good side of him and all our wonderful memories.

So my options are as follows:

1. Ignore him. Have my accountant outreach to him directly and negotiate the details since I am way too emotionally fragile and I have no desire or strength to watch us dismantle our life. Move out into my own apartment this week and move on - leave him with my dream house to sell and pay the full mortgage by himself. Go NC and leave it to fate. Hope that the reality of taking over all the bills by himself opens his eyes to the reality of the financial situation and the no contact helps him to miss me someday once the fantasy of the affair wanes. (Dreaming, I know...)

2. Be polite, kind, compassionate, mature. Tell him that I want to find a path forward that is fair and respects our love and history and working relationship. Try to leave him with a good impression of me / leave door open for friendship and relationship later. Still get my own place and protect my financial position but do it in a totally classy way.

3. Go nuclear. Tell him that the only way he gets me out of the house is if he drags me out. Make the process as difficult as possible just for fun. KIDDING - I wouldn't do #3, but it's fun to think about...

What do you all think? Door #1 or #2. He doesn't really deserve kindness and compassion - he certainly wasn't kind to me when he had the affair and abandoned me - but I also hope that he regrets his behavior one day and I want to be the better person. I keep repeating the following mantra to myself: DO THE RIGHT THING. So what is the right thing here?